My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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