Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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