You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
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