Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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