So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
