Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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