then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize