how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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