He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
