Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
