you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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