Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
