I think I am morally bankrupt
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
