My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
