I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Randomize
