you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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