no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
