I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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