he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
