I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
