I hate all girls vehemently.
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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