Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
