Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
