wrigley field is MILF paradise
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
