I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
You dont lie about slip and slides
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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