I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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