Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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