Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
