He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
