Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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