I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
