Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Randomize
