Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
