Just cropdusted the office
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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