just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
