I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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