Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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