The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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