I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
