In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
