Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
