so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
