Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
