Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
