Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
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