he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
