I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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