I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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