dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
