you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
