I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
