Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
