I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
