We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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