Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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