The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
