I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
