What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize