My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
