what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
