just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
