OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
