Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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