just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
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