Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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