Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
