Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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